I Still Sing Alma Mater Even When She is Being Problematic

From the desk of the Most School-Spirited student in the class of 1999 (so you have to take it seriously.)

Considering that my family did not have a dedicated fandom like others, I'm not sure how I became so intense about football. In middle school, my sister and I went to a store (Kmart, I think) and picked out sweatshirts for the cooling we Floridians claim as winter. My sister picked a University of Florida one. I couldn't pick the same as my sister, so the Florida State sweatshirt was the obvious choice.

A choice that triggered an eternal rivalry.

I remember back then trying to watch football and struggling with the sport. I played (under protest) soccer to please my father in those days and American football was completely different. In fact, the word football doesn't jive with the sport. Between FSU games and Tampa Bay Buccaneers games, I squinted and faked it enough to understand which goal line was whose and when to cheer.

Two things made my deep-seated school-based loyalty even more unique. First, I was an obese child who hated the outdoors and playing sports. My participation in soccer outside of school was under duress, if you recall. I liked the idea of the sport, but I wasn't good playing it and hated practice. Second, I went to a gifted magnet school with no high-school sports. I started there as a second-grade student and graduated with the aforementioned distinction in my senior class. What business would I have being a super football (or basketball or baseball) fan when I didn't spend years at pep rallies or homecoming games?

I'm very proud of the schools I attended. Starting with that gifted magnet, it's still a top-tier school preparing exceptional students for college and careers. The Florida State University is a renowned school not just for athletics but also for strong academics and student life. However I can't forget that both schools have checkered pasts. From how people got into my grade school, what they got out of it, and how their staff has fallen short, to FSU's mascot and athletes' misconduct, it's hard to be a fan. I don't ignore any of these things. I remember going to a panel discussion after my first football season at FSU that included an activist from the American Indian Movement. He shared a perspective that hit home: that even with a tribal endorsement, the images the school used offended him and many Native Americans on an ethnic and religious level.

That perspective stayed with me for years, through my entire degree program, onto my working years. I still skip part of our team chant and try to buy FSU gear that has the team name and other symbols other than the Seminole head. 2017 was the first season I broke my rule. Could I keep supporting a team that hurt people?

The bad behavior on the college teams got worse after my four years in Tallahassee. Academic dishonesty, drug use, and arrests. Not just at my alma mater: they got up to some foolish things at that school down the road. I actually said to myself, "College is for learning. Learning is positive. Football and all other sports are extracurricular activities. If these activities lead to people being hurt, cut it."

Why do I still support it then? Why do I continue to contribute directly to a multi-million dollar industry that could probably do without my money?

I can't throw away the bad without removing the good.

College athletics gives scholarships to students that need it. Better than that, the programs may not pay for academic buildings or books, but the revenue generation is positive for schools. At FSU, the hallowed Doak Campbell Stadium is surrounded by college buildings -- classrooms and administrative spaces.

The memories are seared into my mind. From hearing about the 1999 National Championship game directly from my freshman roommate (hoarse voice and all) to watching the 2012 BCS game in my new city, college football has been a good part of my life.

Maybe it's from being part of a school tradition that existed in controversy that crafted this perspective. Some may think I just gloss over the negative things so I can put on the garnet and gold.

Football in particular is also problematic. Just looking at the NFL season, how can anyone get excited with the suppression of protest, CTE, and yet more violence off the field? This is the first NFL season I won't be purchasing Bucs apparel...so should I skip the Seminole gear too?

It's an open question that I and other fans will wrestle with. Let's keep doing it. Not talking about what makes what we love harmful or problematic is irresponsible. Let's be real: there's something comforting about routine and exciting about fandom. Few are immune to either. The important part is to be aware of what's going on and prioritizing what is important. Accountability is real - just like we face in our real lives, those who play games for scholarships or an occupation must face them. It may mean a few jerseys get worn, some tickets get resold, or even fandom ends. Let's let enthusiasm run its course without burying it in simplistic excuses.

My fan muscle is well-stretched and ready for the fall, anyway. I stand by my boastful description of football: it is a sport born in Texas, raised in Oklahoma, schooled in Dixie (Alabama, Mississippi, and Georgia) and perfected in Florida. Debate your mama, not me.