Coaching by Bravo: What to Learn (and Unlearn) from Reality Show Business Leaders

In 2006 I became a Customer Service Supervisor in the same call center that I "grew up" in post-college. However, my leadership journey started years before. I started in leadership where many do: in school. Between elected positions (my middle school dances were LIT before lit was a thing) and appointed positions (my residence hall government didn't have a parliamentarian -- until they met me) I found myself being in charge of things. Naively I used to tell people in interviews that I was a "natural leader." I'm growing to believe that there really isn't such a thing. When you call yourself born to lead or a leader by nature, you indicate how little training or thinking you've put into how to lead. Dealing with people effectively and getting them to do things requires study and admiration.

Great leaders, especially in a paid context, hone the skill of coaching through the right experiences and studying other coaches. Think about it -the best leaders in your life influenced you and changed how you interact through example and how they explained themselves. Coaching conversations are vital and great examples of coaching aren't as plentiful as they should be. Many gravitate to the examples in those who bear the title "coach." On this blog I've expressed how much I appreciate Iyanla Vanzant as a life coach (not a therapist.) Sports coaches invade the corporate world of leadership because they can document when and where their coaching led to success.

For a different approach, I submit that the best coaches I've ever seen aren't in either context. In fact, they are in the least likely place you'd look for to improve how to do better at work.

The best coaches have reality shows.

Hear me out: reality television is problematic in many ways and sometimes struggles to live up to its name. Even in the world of the smartphone, how many people live and work playing to multiple camera angles and using a production crew? Still there are three leaders that show great examples of how to lead on your television screen regularly.

1. Captain Sandy Yawn, Below Deck Mediterranean

Below Deck is a Bravo show that focuses on a selected part of the crew of a mega-yacht. With the backdrop of amazing, exotic locales and ridiculous expectations of the 1%, I really enjoy it as a show. Its spinoff focuses on a crew in the southern European yachting scene with Captain Sandy at the helm. For several seasons, tuning into Below Deck Mediterranean means seeing a strong woman deal with tough situations in a calm, professional manner. That doesn't sound impressive, but consider that she maintains this on a multimillion dollar luxury boat that she doesn't own with a crew on camera with varying states of professionalism and life happening at hundreds of miles an hour. Bigger than that, she can be seen trying to teach and relate to each member of her staff. Bringing empathy with tough-but-fair messaging is not easy, but she manages to do it. Staying cool and focused in a pressure cooker where producers ratchet up the heat is admirable. Once I start making seven figures a year, I'd set sail with her for a couple days.

2. Ryan Serhant - Million Dollar Listing New York and Sell it Like Serhant

If you don't consume a high amount of television, I'm sure you weren't aware that there were reality shows about real estate brokers. In fact, there are many. The franchise that holds a special space in my heart is Million Dollar Listing. As the title implies, these brokers sell high-value residential properties in cutthroat markets. Following the imagination, yes, many show up on the screen pretty sleazy and slick as many are in the high-pressure world of commission-based sales. Ryan has stood out as he opened his own sales office. In 2018 he debuted his own spinoff Sell it Like Serhant (which apparently is from his vlogging!?) where he shows people who are struggling with how to make it in sales how it's done. His vulnerable technique, telling stories of how he started and struggled, and his surprising empathetic language meets well with his ability to state facts. He'll tell salespeople straight up, "they're gonna fire you for not selling." Then he gets to work. Bigger than that, part of the reality show magic is how he breaks into their world to disrupt it and demonstrate a big truth: sales is very much a reflection of life. Making commission doesn't just mean you can have a life: what you bring to work to make the money affects how much you take home. He's a great example of how to share the major keys can spread the love so everyone wins.

3. Tabatha Coffey, Tabatha's Salon Takeover, Tabatha Takes Over, Relative Success

Sometimes coaching is not nice. I still struggle to hear tough feedback without any qualifiers or positive counterbalance. Yet sometimes it's necessary. Tabatha offers it up in spades. She is also Bravo reality show alumni, a top contestant on season 1 of Shear Genius. She took her brusque Australian tone and haircare know how to her own spinoff Tabatha's Salon Takeover. Similar to shows like Bar Rescue and The Profit, she deconstructed failing salons and built them back up in a week. Truth-telling has always been her specialty and she was in her element as a successful owner of shops in several countries. Then Bravo rebooted the show and gave her agency to remake various businesses in Tabatha Takes Over and Relative Success. The way she delivers critique in a swear-y way may sound like the magic of Hollywood, yet many leaders can tell you that few exceptional captains of industry mince their words to be acceptable for HR. In all incarnations, Tabatha's critical eye was the best part of it all. She's quick to tell you what's wrong, how to fix it, then reward you when you fix it. When coaches miss any of those pieces they fall down and have to redirect. Even through the editing I can tell it's a skill she's honed in on and developed on. If she does black hair, I'll have to go to her salon in London...before the cruise on Below Deck.

While Bravo gives great examples of good coaching, the reality machine also yields examples of bad coaching:

1. Captain Lee Rosbach, Below Deck

The original captain of the original show Below Deck, Captain Lee, is a robust, interesting character. There's no question that he cares about his crew (especially this past season) and has a high standard of service. Where I find him as a bad coach is the lack of proactive communication. This might also be a fault of reality-show editing, but it seems like the viewers only see him get into action is when crew members are being fired or on their way out. What's the point then? Having a no-excuses approach is fine, but it doesn't build careers. It doesn't help you get to short-term or long-term goals as a leader without a strong dose of guidance and directed conversations. That's how you create employee churn.

It also makes for fascinating TV.

2. Vicki Gunvalson, The Real Housewives of Orange County

Arguably, there would be no reality show empire on Bravo without The Real Housewives franchise. The original incarnation, The Real Housewives of Orange County showed five women's lives in the exclusive community of Coto de Caza. One of the originals, Vicki Gunvalson, is still a part of the iconic series. As much of a fixture as she is on her show is her development of an insurance business. Season after season, we've seen Coto Insurance grow from her home office to an award-winning business. That sounds great, right? What stands out to me strongest of all is her workaholism. If she reads this she gets to say "takes one to know one." I know the signs: working right up to (and sometimes during) major trips and events, constantly talking about and having emotions about work when the office is far away, and blurring the lines between work and home. She has been doing it and doesn't seem like she's going to stop. I used to think that's just what hard workers do. Yet I'm starting to recognize that this is unsustainable. Worse, it's a bad example to those under you. But don't take my word for it.

Yet, I wish "the OG of the OC" much success.

3. Lisa Vanderpump, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Vanderpump Rules

This critique is going to be short because part of the reason I find fault with how Lisa Vanderpump acts as a boss is also why I try not to watch her shows. I am a Housewives superfan, but Beverly Hills always bothered me. It had all the elements of the other shows -- opulence, manufactured drama, family feel-good moments -- but it never curled all the way over for me. Then here comes Vanderpump Rules, a spinoff based on the staff of her LA restaurants. My eyeroll was severe when the show started. I have caught it on occasion -- all classic TV watchers know that moment when you're flipping around and you give a show a chance. The one thing that sticks out to me as a boss is Lisa is way too involved in her employee's lives. Every good leader knows what motivates their people outside of the work and what's important to them. Yet it grates my nerves to see how much she knows. For the first episodes it didn't feel like she was responding to questions in the confessionals or just what was in the context of the restaurants. You could tell - she knew it well. I could have my estimation wrong but I can't devote any DVR space to finding out. Sorry, Lisa.

Honorable Mention: Big up to Real Housewife and music legend Kandi Burruss. As a boss and a coach, even the reality-show magic can't stop her. Even with the Atlanta suss and rumors around everything she does, she hires reliable people that back her up and speak highly of her on and off camera. She expands her businesses and takes calculated risks. With coaching, she speaks kindly first and offers her opinions without fanfare. Honestly, the cameras don't spend a great deal of time dissecting her work as a business owner unless it descends into personal drama, so more evidence would help elevate her into the top three for me.

And then there's Jeff

The real motivation behind this post is Jeff Lewis. Flipping Out is a business how-to and how-not-to-do manual. He works from his various homes and hires his partner, family, and friends to work for him. His relationship with his clients is intimate yet adversarial. Working for him as a contractor can make or break your career based on his sky-high expectations. Yet I root for Jeff. As a fan of the show, I've watched him grow from being petulant and hot-tempered to shrewd and somewhat reasonable. Where he wouldn't explain himself before and expect greatness to magically emerge from people, he recently actually flexed coaching muscles and mentored members of his staff. Rather than fire more people than he's hired, he's also seen others move on naturally to bigger and better. I go back and forth in calling him a great coach or a bad coach. This past season, there was one departure I thought he handled poorly, but it should not sully a full season of reasonable interactions. Does he still tease and get overly familiar with his staff? Sure. Keep in mind that when the cameras are gone the people in the home office are his for-real inner circle. Could he use me as a great Human Resources consultant? Yes. He might find his way to bringing his way of sharing his critique and foundation of mentorship into creating the powerhouse he wants. Until then, I am fully on board and ready for the next season.

I don't recommend you dropping out of that leadership course or ignoring what your boss tells you in favor of learning leadership from TV. I do encourage you to enjoy the sympathetic lessons around us that show how to treat each other. Great leaders tell their direct reports the truth while respecting their humanity and agency. Great leaders know that kindness will win and being negative is a tool that has ending consequences. The three coaches I highlight aren't perfect but give us some of those lessons in a quantity that enhances those who work for them and with them. Should I get the blessed opportunity to lead people directly again, I'll be looking back for these examples. And I plan to stay tuned in until then.